The Cost of Loving Anyway

The Cost of Loving Anyway

Jul 18, 2026 | Faith

The Cost of Loving Anyway — Tamela Davis | The F Word
The F Word  ·  Tamela Davis

Personal Essay  ·  Faith & Relationships

The Cost of Loving Anyway

When Loving People Hurts — and God Asks You to Do It Anyway

By Tamela Davis

People have asked me over the years how I've managed to keep loving people after all I've experienced. The honest answer? Some days... I don't know. Some days I love with open hands. Some days I love with wounds that haven't fully healed. But every morning, He gently reminds me of one thing — love anyway.

There are seasons of life that make choosing joy feel almost effortless. And then there are seasons that make joy feel like warfare.

The longer I live, the more I realize that the hardest part of adulthood isn't managing schedules, careers, marriages, ministries, businesses, or responsibilities. It's navigating people. Not because people are inherently bad — but because people are beautifully broken. Including me.

The older I get, the more I understand why so many people slowly become cynical. Why they build walls instead of bridges. Why they stop trusting. After enough heartbreak, enough betrayal, enough loyalty that isn't reciprocated — choosing joy becomes harder. Trust becomes heavier. And you begin asking questions you never imagined asking:

  • Where do I belong?
  • Who are my people?
  • Does anyone really love me for me — not for what I can provide or who I can introduce them to?

The older I get, the less interested I am in hundreds of acquaintances and the more I long for the kind of people who feel like home. The ride-or-die friend. The spouse who protects your heart. The mentor who tells you the truth. The teammate who celebrates you when you're not in the room. Those people are rare. And when you've experienced enough disappointment, it's tempting to stop believing they exist.

One of My Greatest Strengths — and My Greatest Vulnerabilities

One of the greatest gifts God has given me is that I genuinely love people. Not strategically. Not transactionally. Not because I'm trying to gain something. I simply love people — discovering the gifts God placed inside them, helping them recognize blind spots they couldn't see on their own, encouraging them toward purpose.

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves..." Philippians 2:3

Jesus never asked us to love people who deserved it. He asked us to love people. Period. That's always been my agenda — love people deeply. Unfortunately, not everyone shares that agenda.

Some want access without accountability. Some want proximity without loyalty. Some love what you can do for them — but not who you are. Some celebrate you while you're standing beside them, then quietly diminish your name the moment you leave the room. And if I'm really honest, what has always been hardest isn't when it comes from strangers. It's when it comes from people who profess to know Christ. That kind of heartbreak hits differently.

When the Enemy Knows Your Tender Spots

For years, I wondered if maybe I was the problem. After all, I'm the common denominator. If enough relationships become painful, eventually you start asking if something must be wrong with you. Maybe you've asked yourself the same thing.

But God has slowly been teaching me something. The common denominator isn't always you. Sometimes it's the enemy.

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood..." Ephesians 6:12

The enemy doesn't always attack our weaknesses. Often he attacks our gifts.

  • If generosity is your gift, he'll tempt you toward selfishness.
  • If hospitality is your gift, he'll tempt you toward isolation.
  • If leadership is your gift, he'll tempt you toward control.
  • If compassion is your gift, he'll tempt you toward cynicism.
  • If loving people is your gift, he'll send enough disappointment that you'll wonder if it's even worth loving anymore.

That's the real battle. Not whether people disappoint us — but whether disappointment changes who we become.

Mother Teresa Was Right

I often return to Mother Teresa's famous words: People are unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered. Love them anyway. Not because people deserve it — but because Christ loved us anyway.

The contrast is what grips me.

Culture Says

  • Protect your heart by closing it.
  • Match people's energy.
  • Cut everyone off.

Jesus Says

  • Guard your heart without hardening it.
  • Overcome evil with good.
  • Love wisely. Forgive freely. Remain tender.

There is a difference between becoming discerning and becoming bitter. One protects your peace. The other steals it.

Boundaries Are Not Walls

For years I believed the only options were unlimited access or complete distance. I've learned there's another way. I call them buckets — not everyone belongs in the same one, and not everyone has the maturity to steward your vulnerability.

Even Jesus modeled healthy circles.

∞
The Crowds
12
The Disciples
3
The Inner Circle
1
The Beloved

Boundaries aren't punishment. They're stewardship. You can love everyone without giving everyone unrestricted access.

But Before We Point Fingers...

Here's the question I believe the Holy Spirit asks every one of us. Which person are you?

  • Are you the loyal one, or the one who changes when someone leaves the room?
  • Are you the encourager, or the silent competitor?
  • Are you the one who speaks truth with grace, or the one who avoids accountability?
  • Are you taking more than you're depositing?
  • Are you consuming relationships — or cultivating them?
  • Are you the safe place, or the storm?

It's easy to identify the people who wounded us. It's much harder to identify where we've wounded someone else. Growth begins when we stop asking "Who hurt me?" and start asking "Lord, where am I still becoming more like You?"

Real Christianity has never been about talking like Jesus. It's about looking like Him. Loving like Him. Forgiving like Him. Choosing humility over pride, truth over comfort, conviction over image.

If You're Looking for "Your Person"

Whether you're longing for a spouse, a faithful friend, a mentor, a church family, a business partner, or simply a place to belong — I hope God gives you those gifts. I truly do.

But I've learned something that has steadied my soul: God never intended another human to carry the weight of being everything for us. Only He can. People will fail us — even good people, even godly people, even people with the best intentions. But God never lies. He never manipulates. He never withholds His presence. He never loves conditionally.

Everything we're desperately searching for in people finds its perfect fulfillment in Him. When God becomes your Person, everyone else becomes a gift instead of a god. And that changes everything.

I'm Still Learning This

Can I be honest? I still don't know how to do this perfectly. After years of friendships that unraveled, family relationships that became more complicated than I imagined, people I poured into who eventually walked away, partnerships that didn't end the way I hoped — I've realized something.

My natural instinct isn't revenge. It isn't even anger. It's distance. I quietly reposition people. I stop expecting. I stop reaching. Sometimes I cut people off altogether — not because I hate them, but because somewhere inside me I'm trying to protect what's left of my heart.

The problem is, sometimes wisdom is repositioning. And sometimes fear disguises itself as wisdom. I'm still learning the difference.

  • I'm still learning when to release someone to God without closing my heart to everyone else.
  • I'm still learning how to forgive while acknowledging that trust has to be rebuilt.
  • I'm still learning that boundaries don't have to become emotional walls.
  • I'm still learning that grieving the loss of a relationship doesn't make me unloving. It makes me human.

Bitterness rarely arrives all at once. It settles in slowly — one disappointment, one broken promise, one more person who wasn't who you thought they were — until one day you wake up and realize you've become someone you never intended to be. I don't want that. I want to look more like Jesus tomorrow than I do today. Even if I'm still figuring out what that looks like.

The world has enough people who know how to protect themselves. What it's desperate for are people who know how to love wisely, lead courageously, forgive freely, and stay tender in a world determined to make them hard.

A Charge to Carry Forward

  • Love deeply.
  • Serve joyfully.
  • Speak truth courageously.
  • Protect your heart wisely.
  • Keep healthy boundaries.
  • Be quick to repent.
  • Be generous with grace.
  • Refuse bitterness.
  • And when people disappoint you — love anyway.
  • Because that's exactly what Jesus has done for us.

A Prayer

Father, thank You for never growing weary of loving me, even when I've fallen short. Search my heart and reveal the places where I have become guarded, cynical, prideful, or fearful because of pain. Heal the wounds I carry that no one else can see.

Help me not only recognize where others have hurt me, but also where I may have hurt others. Give me the humility to repent, the courage to forgive, and the wisdom to establish healthy boundaries without hardening my heart.

Teach me to love like Jesus — with truth, grace, discernment, and compassion. Keep me from making people my source of identity, security, or belonging. Remind me that You are my refuge, my faithful Friend, and the One who will never leave nor forsake me.

When loving becomes costly, help me choose obedience over offense, faith over fear, and joy over bitterness. May my life point people to You more than it points them to me.

In Jesus' name, Amen.

Going Deeper  ·  A Devotion

Read

Galatians 6:9  ·  Romans 12:21  ·  Philippians 2:3–5

Reflect

  • Where has disappointment changed the way I love people?
  • Have I confused healthy boundaries with emotional walls?
  • In what ways have I expected people to be what only God can be?
  • If someone wrote about their experience with me, would they describe me as safe, honest, loyal, and full of grace?
  • Who do I need to forgive? Who do I need to encourage? Where do I need to repent?

Today's Practice

  1. Encourage one person without expecting anything in return.
  2. Ask God to reveal one blind spot in your own heart.
  3. Pray for someone who has hurt you.
  4. Thank God for being the Friend who never leaves.

Then... love anyway.

If you're anything like me, you'll probably get hurt again. Someone will misunderstand you. Someone will walk away. And when that day comes, I hope you remember this: don't let what someone else chose to become determine who you choose to be.

Stay soft. Stay honest. Stay close to Jesus. And when everything in you wants to quit loving — love anyway.

— Tamela
thefword.us  ·  © Tamela Davis  ·  All Rights Reserved
The Cost of Carrying It All

The Cost of Carrying It All

Jun 13, 2026 | Faith, Family & Home

The Cost of Carrying It All — Tamela Davis | The F Word
The F Word  ·  Tamela Davis

Personal Essay  ·  Leadership & Life

The Cost of Carrying It All

What My Therapist Reminded Me in a Season of Chaos

By Tamela Davis

"I don't know if I'm winning, failing, helping people thrive, disappointing them — or somehow doing all four at the same time."

If you've ever been responsible for a family, a vision, a business, a ministry, or simply the emotional well-being of the people around you — you know exactly what that feels like.

Lately, life has felt like standing in the middle of a football field while every player, coach, referee, fan, vendor, child, team member, family member, and friend is calling your name at the exact same time. Everyone needs something different. A decision. A solution. A hug. A plan. A little piece of you.

But this post isn't really about a move. It's not really about New Jersey. And it's not even about the chaos of the last few months. It's about what happens when years of carrying, building, leading, sacrificing, and showing up finally catch up with you.

This Season Didn't Create the Overwhelm — It Revealed It

If I'm honest with myself, the pressure was already there. This season simply gave it a name.

The past several years have been full. Beautifully full. Purposefully full. NFL seasons, homeschooling six children, building businesses, launching programs, running a nonprofit, coaching others through their own life transitions — all of it woven together into something I'm genuinely proud of. We've experienced tremendous joy, incredible growth, and countless answered prayers.

But somewhere in the middle of all those beautiful things, I forgot something important: even purpose can become heavy when you carry too much of it for too long.

After eight incredible years in New Orleans, our family is relocating back to New Jersey. On paper, it's exciting — a new chapter, new opportunities, new assignments. And all of that is true. But transitions have a way of slowing you down just enough to see what you've been carrying all along.

Gratitude and exhaustion can coexist. Blessings and burdens can occupy the same space. Purpose can still feel heavy — and that doesn't mean anything is wrong with you.

It Takes a Village to Build a Life

Before I go further, I want to say this clearly: I am not carrying this life alone. Far from it.

One of the greatest blessings of this season has been the incredible people God has placed around our family — my husband, our children, family, friends, mentors, board members, Dream Team members, partners, volunteers, coaches, and our broader community. There are people laboring alongside us every single day, helping bring ideas to life and care for the people we love. I am deeply grateful for every single one of them.

No meaningful vision is ever built by one person. The challenge isn't that I lack support. The challenge is that when you wear many hats, you're often the common thread connecting all the moving parts — as a wife, a mother of six, a nonprofit leader, a business owner, a coach, a podcast host, and a woman still committed to her own growth and healing.

There are moments when all those worlds collide — not because something is wrong, but because life is full. And when life gets full, even beautiful things can become heavy if we're not intentional about how we carry them.

The Loneliness Nobody Talks About

Leadership can be incredibly lonely — and very few people acknowledge that out loud.

People often see the platform. The opportunities. The events. The travel. The accomplishments. What they don't see are the thousands of decisions happening behind the scenes — the mental load, the constant calculations, the invisible labor of leadership.

They don't see the moments when you're lying awake asking yourself:

  • Did I spend enough time with my children today?
  • Did I support my husband well?
  • Did I create clarity where there was confusion?
  • Who feels seen? Who feels forgotten?
  • Who am I when everyone needs something from me?

The higher the responsibility, the fewer people truly understand what you're carrying. And if you're not careful, you begin to believe that because you're capable of carrying it, you're supposed to carry it alone. That belief is a lie — and it's an exhausting one.

The Truth About My Kids

One of the most humbling realizations of this season involves my children.

For years, I was deeply in the details — the schedules, the friendships, the assignments, the attitudes, the routines. I knew where everyone was and what they needed. Recently, though, my focus has been elsewhere: on the transition, the building, the planning, the executing. And while all of those things matter, I started to notice something shift.

Some of my children felt a little more scattered than usual. Not because they were struggling. Not because we'd failed. But because they needed more of me — not more resources, not more activities, not more things. More presence.

That hit me deeply.

As mothers, we often convince ourselves that providing is the same as being present. Sometimes it is. Sometimes what our children need most isn't another opportunity — it's us. Sitting beside them. Listening a little longer. Looking them in the eyes long enough for them to know they're truly seen.

What My Therapist Helped Me See

During a recent therapy session, I found myself talking about the move, organizational changes, parenting concerns, business responsibilities, Dream Team dynamics, and the endless list of things requiring my attention.

But beneath all of it was a deeper realization: I wasn't overwhelmed by one thing. I was overwhelmed by the accumulation — tiny worries, tiny pressures, tiny responsibilities, tiny sacrifices. None of them large enough on their own to stop me. But together? They created a weight I hadn't even recognized I was carrying.

My therapist's challenge was simple: simplify. Not forever — just for now. Stop trying to solve six months from now. Stop carrying what doesn't belong to you. Identify your actual stressors. Focus on what you can control. Breathe. Stay present. Trust the process.

Simple advice. Profound impact.

Six Steps for When You're Carrying Too Much

Practical tools you can use today

1

Identify Your Actual Stressors

Grab a notebook and write down everything causing stress. Then divide the list: Things I Can Control vs. Things I Cannot Control. You may be surprised how much energy you're spending on things that were never yours to manage.

2

Stop Trying to Solve Everything Today

Ask yourself: "What is the next right thing?" Not next year. Not next month. Just today. One step at a time is still forward motion.

3

Create One Focus Area Per Person You Lead

For each child, each team member — identify one primary focus right now. School. Confidence. Communication. Character. Simple, clear, and manageable beats scattered and exhausted every time.

4

Schedule Time to Worry

Instead of worrying all day, designate a specific time to process your concerns. Journal. Pray. Reflect. Then return fully to the present moment. This one changed everything for me.

5

Ask Yourself Daily: "What Do I Need?"

Not what your clients need. Not what your team needs. Not what social media needs. What do you need? Rest? Movement? A boundary? Permission to say no? You matter too — and you can't pour from an empty cup.

6

Celebrate Your Progress

As builders and achievers, we're wired to move the goalpost the moment we reach it. Pause. Celebrate. Acknowledge how far you've already come — because the journey deserves to be honored, not just the destination.

What Flourishing Actually Looks Like

At The F Word, we've always talked about family, food, football, faith — and finding ourselves somewhere in the middle of all of it. This season has been a masterclass in that last one.

Flourishing isn't found in having everything under control. It's found in remaining grounded when everything isn't. Peace doesn't come from controlling every outcome — it comes from learning what belongs to you and what doesn't. It comes from staying present. It comes from trusting God with tomorrow while faithfully stewarding today.

And right now, that's exactly what I'm learning — one day, one breath, one conversation, one decision at a time.

If you're carrying a lot today, I hope you'll give yourself permission to put some of it down. You don't have to carry it all. And perhaps the strongest thing you can do isn't push harder — perhaps it's pausing long enough to acknowledge that carrying it all has a cost. You deserve care too.

— Tamela
The Birth Story of Story-James

The Birth Story of Story-James

Jun 12, 2024 | Faith, Family & Home

Since I was an innocent little girl, I dreamed of having a large family. I longed for little people I could nurture, guide, protect, and love deeply.

While my husband and I were just friends, we’d talk about our past, present, and future, dreaming of the story we desired our lives to weave. Once we began dating, we started to dream of the fairytale we’d create, the stories we’d tell… and we learned that love comes softly. 

Throughout our journey, we soon came to repeat a hopeful mantra: “Our Story, His glory.” Yes, the fairytales we were creating involved endless dreams and hopes–but they were also accompanied by a few stabs and jabs that made the fairytales not so magical! This phrase served as a reminder that His story would be our guiding light forevermore, and everything would be for His glory, not ours.

A Mother’s Wish

I recall the day I held my belly as I looked in the mirror, saying, “God, I now desire to have six kids… but seven is the number of completion, so maybe I’ll land there!” In that moment, there was so much unforeseen by me. Admittedly, bearing children and raising them in the beautiful chaos my life had become made me second guess if having all those children was a good idea.

While pregnant with my fourth, I experienced sickness and discomfort in such a way that I vowed she would be the last one. I honestly didn’t think I could endure pregnancy again after she was born. Bringing her into the world stretched my faith in countless imaginable ways, leading me to believe I didn’t have the capacity for more.

However, after Demario and I discussed a potential fifth baby, we decided that maybe we did have the capacity for another after all. And we were blessed with our sweet and sassy Stormie Love.

The Unforeseen

Then life happened. Roadblocks were popping up in so many directions of my life, so I’d decided a ton of things were off the table–especially a baby. Additionally, my body began to behave unpredictably, and before I knew it, I was at the doctor’s office to get to the bottom of it all… only to discover I was unexpectedly pregnant.

Unfortunately, this pregnancy was paired with a number of inexplicable complications, eventually leading our sweet baby to join Jesus. I landed on the name Chosen for this child, our beautiful baby number six–chosen to be with our Father in Heaven for reasons we’ll never know or fully comprehend. But God’s still God!

During that time, I remember the weight of so many thoughts, emotions, and tears. In the Uber, on the ride to the hospital for my surgery, I couldn’t make sense of my life. I just played “Goodness of God” on repeat. I’d only confided in two friends, one of whom called me and made me laugh uncontrollably until my husband arrived (football life) and they wheeled me to the back.

The next thing I knew, I woke up crying with no clarity or direction for anything beyond that moment. Life was becoming more difficult to navigate by the day, but I still decided to Believe in the One who holds it all together! Thy will be done!

That day, I told the Lord and my husband I was done having kids. After all, we had five beautiful blessings and one in heaven, and I really didn’t have the emotional capacity to do it again. I was drowning in more ways than one.

Fast Forward One Month…

After a trip to Italy, I did my own thing, my body did its thing, and I left that trip pregnant again! I was in shock, still grieving, and processing it all. I thought back to that day in the mirror when I mused about having seven children… and here we were. Paralyzed by fear and doubt, emotions running wild, I harbored the secret from everyone except my doctors for five months. I waited until seven months to tell my immediate family. The world learned the news just one week before her delivery!

My pregnancy with her was by far the easiest, while my delivery was by far the hardest.

The Delivery

Babygirl remained head down and in ideal delivery position for months, but at 37.5 weeks, she decided to flip breech. I refused to schedule a C-section and instead wanted to attempt to move her head down, which I knew came with some risk… but this was a risk I was willing to take to have a natural birth, as I have had with all my babes. 

Once she moved her head down, we followed through with inducing labor to prevent other complications. As I often say, “Many are the plans of a man…” With her head down, our baby girl decided to stick her arm and foot above her head, which made it impossible to deliver her naturally without breaking her bones.

I was devastated. Terrified. I couldn’t process anything for some time. However, we needed to move quickly, since I was already 6 centimeters dilated and contracting. As I rolled down the hall bawling my eyes out, for some odd reason, I wondered if something dramatic and life-altering would happen today. My panic mounted as I received the spinal tap and couldn’t feel myself breathing. Although they gave me oxygen and calmed me, everyone was aware I was on edge.

Then my beautiful doctor entered and, knowing how overwhelmed I was, she requested that the speaker be turned on. I had no idea what she was doing, but it soon became apparent as worship music began to play. I sang and meditated on the lyrics about how good my God is!

Burning tears continued rolling down my face as they announced her arrival. Right as she was coming out, a series of events took place.

She was stuck. They were experiencing complications in getting her out. I could feel the energy of the room shifting as they moved quickly and forcefully, but the process seemed to take forever.

I began to feel pressure in my chest and abdominal areas, and I heard people calling for backup.

As I looked into the light, I felt like I was in a scene in Grey’s Anatomy. I wondered if, at this moment, my life would end, or if the life of the baby would end… or if we’d both go.

This all took place over the course of four and a half minutes after I was cut open, but it seemed like an eternity, and my emotions remained scattered after the fact.

Recovery

Finally, they got her out safely, returning us to the recovery room. Little did I know that this would be the most challenging recovery to date. In the past, I took pride in pushing a baby out and returning to regularly scheduled activities the next day. This wasn’t the case this time around.

I’ve had an extremely rough recovery. From being unable to walk to needing assistance to hold and feed my baby, a list of graphic struggles unfolded in the months following her birth. 

But I’m still here, she’s still growing beautifully, and God’s still on the throne! Baby #7 felt like the completion of my husband’s and my family, but I’ve learned to place no limits on who He is and the plan He has for my life.

Reflection

So much beauty and so many ashes led to our latest little one’s conception and birth. There are so many valuable people who have been along for the journey, and the STORY of Story-James’s life is beautiful, life-altering, and God-ordained. I’m confident that her life song will move mountains and bring Glory to the one who makes all things new!

It’s OUR STORY that God is authoring, but it’s my prayer that every ounce of it is used for HIS GLORY!

Few are Chosen: A New Year Reflection

Few are Chosen: A New Year Reflection

Dec 29, 2023 | Faith

The “confident, realistic, independent” me speaking:
2023… I honestly don’t have enough words inside my vocabulary to accurately convey all the emotions behind the beauty and ashes I experienced this year!
I gained so much knowledge about myself and the people around me. I navigated through the darkness and light of my life and the world—where there were extraordinary gains and gut-wrenching losses. Nevertheless, each encounter was accompanied by strength and faith-building lessons, self-affirmations, and elaborate strategies for managing and improving the situations around me!
Oftentimes, we journey year to year in hopes that the new year will be greater than the past, but I’ve learned that anytime your path consists of co-laborers (not many people don’t), there may be much inside your control but even more outside of it! So we can plan, dream, etc., but there are just no guarantees on what we’ll face and what the outcome will be!
As someone who can be identified as a control freak, I learned countless valuable lessons about the options I’d made priorities and priorities I’ve made options. I learned how and why I was always willing to diminish my light so that others may shine—yet they’d diminish my light, even more, to ensure that my level up wouldn’t exceed their expectations.
I gained knowledge and understanding of why I love and sacrifice the way I do and why I’m not for everyone. I learned who valued and benefited from both my strengths and weaknesses. Consistent growth in self-awareness and the awareness of others is one of the greatest life skills one can develop. Accessing these things reminded me of why everyone in my life is compartmentalized and why blind trust inside family, friendships, business partners, and countless other trusted sources should always be limited.
One of the most valuable lessons I learned is that there’s always a game going on inside the game and how to humbly accept it and unapologetically play the crap out of it, not needing anyone. Then, after accessing it all I’m forced to tap into the folder of faith that holds much more.
Spiritual voice: Yes, journeying through this past year had some fruitful moments, but I also was challenged at every turn to tap into my faith like never before!
I found that despite the overwhelming beauty or the complexity of the ashes, I was chosen! I was chosen for such a time as THIS! I was chosen to grant others the love of Christ even if they didn’t desire or deserve it. I was chosen to smile and find laughter in all things. I was chosen to encourage others even when I needed it most myself.
I was chosen to boldly combat the enemy in ways I never thought possible, and honestly, some days were so difficult I almost let him win! I was chosen to stand on the Truth when everything around me appeared to be the furthest from it. I was chosen to do an abundance of things to educate support & encourage myself and others, endure all things with love, and survive great suffering and tremendous loss.
And above all else, I was chosen to represent and reflect the values of the Lord Jesus Christ even when I didn’t desire to and I had created validated excuses not to.
Did I do it perfectly? ABSOLUTELY NOT.
Did I struggle or fall victim to ungodly alternatives? A time or 2 or 3 or 10.  But God is faithful, even when we are not! He’s a Father, redeemer, protector, provider, and an extraordinary model for how to live a life of purpose that allows Him to remain on the throne!
I can recall one day writing in my journal asking God, “Why does it always appear that I get punished for attempting to do the right thing at all costs?” Oftentimes when we think of being “chosen”, we only meditate on the beautiful moments (comfort & successes) and not the major adversity that comes along with it. But more often than not, being chosen leads to extreme opposition and hardship that we must overcome, and it’s impossible to overcome it without the Lord.
More than not, we assume that suffering is caused by the enemy or a form of punishment when we’re disobeying, but sometimes we’re just handpicked for suffering, not as a form of punishment, but rather, God’s preparing us for Himself!
When I stumbled upon some of God’s “chosen ones ” inside my Bible, I realized they accomplished remarkable things, but somehow it was frequently accompanied by significant pain, distress, injury, loss, and countless other unpleasant experiences.
As A. W. Tozer said, “It is doubtful whether God can bless a man greatly until he has hurt him deeply.”
As I reflect on 2023 and prepare to journey into 2024, I have a multitude of thoughts and emotions floating around. Sure, I have a list of breathtaking ambitious goals that I’d love to accomplish and my vision board could rock your world! And yes, 2024 is a new year with new possibilities and aspirations that I intend to maximize! But at the same time, I’m also fully aware that there are unresolved issues, ongoing fears and doubts, and undesirable tasks I cannot solve today nor leave behind in 2023—so they’ll have to journey with me into the next chapter.
Nevertheless,  I am stronger, wiser, and more confident, than ever before, to navigate all to come expectedly and unexpectedly—the beauty of life and the ashes. And unlike the previous year, I rest in accepting and being aware that I’m not just called, but chosen!
Below are a few scriptures that were spoken to me as I reflected on what 2023 delivered and what 2024 may bring!
Prayers and Blessings,
  • [ ] 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NIV) — “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”
  • [ ] Micah 6:8— “He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.”
  • [ ] 1 Corinthians 13:1-3— “If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. (2) If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. (3) If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.”
  • [ ] Matthew 22:14 (NIV)— “For many are invited, but few are chosen.”
  • [ ] Esther 4:13-14 (NASB)— “Then Mordecai told them to reply to Esther, ‘Do not imagine that you in the king’s palace can escape any more than all the Jews. For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance will arise for the Jews from another place and you and your father’s house will perish. And who knows whether you have not attained royalty for such a time as this?’”
“Through those telling words, he reminded her she had been chosen to set her own interests aside, let go of her own ambitions, and face an enemy full-on.” – Dr. Tony Evans
My prayer is that the Lord will meet each of you exactly where you are and shape and mold you for Himself, regardless of what it may cost.

 

 

 

 

 

Did Your Marriage Hit a Rough Patch? 7 Faith Resources To Help Get It Back Right

Did Your Marriage Hit a Rough Patch? 7 Faith Resources To Help Get It Back Right

Jun 3, 2023 | Faith, Family & Home, Marriage

Marriage gets tested receptively! There are sweet spots, rough spots, and times you want to be finished because you feel you must journey through things you didn’t sign up for. On the wedding day, no one knows just how good their good times will be or how daunting their worst times will be. The secret to being ready for whatever comes? Clinging to God in both times of joy and times of hardships.

One of the major resources my husband and I turn to first is marriage counseling—and I’m not talking about “this is our last straw, things are obviously terrible right now” counseling. I’m talking about benefiting from counseling even when things appear to be going well. We like to go to a counselor at least twice a year, even when no issues have surfaced. Just because you don’t hate each other and aren’t arguing all the time does not guarantee there aren’t any hidden issues. A trusted counselor could help you identify the things you’ve improperly learned to disregard or misplace.

When we’re not turning to counsel, there are a number of resources we keep in reach to both revive and enlighten us on a regular basis. Especially during times our marriage has hit a rough patch, these resources have proved their value in more ways than one. 

Here are 4 books and 3 podcasts to add to your resource list of places to find healthy marriage tips and lessons:

 

Books

 

(1) 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman: 

About The Book: Falling in love is easy. Staying in love—that’s the challenge. How can you keep your relationship fresh and growing amid the demands, conflicts, and just plain boredom of everyday life? In this book, you’ll discover the secret that has transformed millions of relationships worldwide. Whether your relationship is flourishing or failing, Dr. Gary Chapman’s proven approach to showing and receiving love will help you experience deeper and richer levels of intimacy with your partner.

 

(2) Things I Wish I Knew Before We Got Married by Gary Chapman:

About The Book: “Most people spend far more time in preparation for their vocation than they do in preparation for marriage.” No wonder the divorce rate hovers around fifty percent. This is not a book simply to be read. It is a book to be experienced. The material lends itself to heart-felt discussions by dating or engaged couples. To jump-start the exchanges, each short chapter includes insightful “Talking it Over” questions and suggestions.

 

(3) Sacred Marriage: What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy? by Gary Thomas

About The Book: Within the pages of Sacred Marriage, Thomas invites you to see how God can use your relationship with your spouse as a discipline and a motivation to love God more and reflect more of the character of his Son. In addition to life-changing insights from Scripture, church history, and time-tested wisdom from Christian classics, you’ll find practical advice and techniques to make your marriage happier by becoming holier husbands and wives.

 

(4) Victory Over Darkness: Realize the Power of Your Identity in Christ by Neil T. Anderson

About The Book: It’s Jesus’s promise to you–the promise that you will live triumphantly. But what keeps you from really walking in the joy of the Lord? The powers of darkness attack us daily. But, as Dr. Neil Anderson shows in Victory Over the Darkness, you can have the power to conquer them by knowing who you are in Christ. This book spells out practical ways to experience Christian growth based on Christ’s promise.

 

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Podcasts

 

(1) Why or Why Not with The Watsons Podcast

Meet “Why” aka Benjamin and “Why Not” aka Kirsten as they discuss topics ranging from keeping the spark in your love story, to how to talk to your kids about race. Tune in to hear how they approached the crazy life of the NFL and mindfully apply biblical truth to their daily lives with their family. You will laugh and you may cry, but in the end their hope is that their different approaches to situations bless you and your family.

 

(2) 30 Minutes with the Perrys Podcast

30 Minutes with The Perrys is a podcast with a whole lot of truth given in a short amount of time. Preston Perry and Jackie Hill Perry bring their humor, honesty, and insight into conversations on everything from relationships, theology, politics, race, and parenting. You won’t be disappointed.

 

(3) Tony Evans’ Podcast

Dr. Tony Evans is one of the country’s most respected leaders in evangelical circles. As a pastor, teacher, author, and speaker, he serves the body of Christ through his unique ability to communicate complex theological truths through simple, yet profound, illustrations. While addressing the practical issues of today, Dr. Evans is known as a relevant expositor. His podcast features his latest sermons that have been a blessing to our lives individually and as a union.

God’s Timing & Extending Grace to Yourself

God’s Timing & Extending Grace to Yourself

Mar 30, 2023 | Faith

The start of a new season can be a time filled with pressure to become the best version of yourself. The resolutions you made at the beginning of last year (or the top of this year) either happened or did not. Whether you accomplished all of your goals or didn’t quite meet them, feeling constant pressure to change and improve can be overwhelming. You have to give yourself grace and remember to trust God’s timing. Don’t be too hard on yourself.

Diamonds form under pressure—we’ve heard this fact our entire lives. However, just because we didn’t accomplish our full to-do list this year doesn’t mean that we are anything less than a diamond. In God’s timing, we will all flourish into the diamonds He’s calling us to be. It’s essential that we wait patiently on Him and His timing to shape and mold us individually into the diamond He needs us to be.

“Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails” (Proverbs 19:21). 

We can do amazing things that are not essentially God’s things.

So rest knowing that just because you didn’t check all the boxes doesn’t mean you’re a failure. Maybe some of those things weren’t in proper alignment. You must have faith that the things you thought you needed may not have been right for you at that moment. God has a plan, and oftentimes, we don’t understand it at first. 

I encourage you to take every goal and plan you have before the throne and ask God to order your steps. Ask Him to empty you and fill you with Him. He must increase, but we must decrease.

Being filled with God’s grace will help guide you on your path. Be comfortable submitting your to-do list to Him, but also be comfortable changing it if that’s not His will. Trust that He knows what you need and be open to listening to His calling. Be patient waiting on Him… sometimes His timing is not ours! 

Embrace the fresh start that is NOW. Hold God close and trust in His plan.