How to Avoid the Pitfalls of Distraction

How to Avoid the Pitfalls of Distraction

May 1, 2022 | Faith, Family & Home, Parenting

“A distracted parent is a frustrated parent.”

This is a phrase that I’ve used for many years, but admittedly, I frequently become preoccupied with a laundry list of tasks that threaten all my “intentional parenting” tools, forcing me into old habits that I preach against. 

As I reflect over this past week, I’ve been confronted with an ugly truth. More times than not, I was distracted from my littles, which led to many frustrations with their mistakes, an overload of questions, and countless messes. Finding myself a little teary-eyed, I discovered that my family didn’t always move to the beat of my drum. I’d also been distracted by other idols of mine, so when things began to occur outside my control, I couldn’t help but become annoyed. Thank God for conviction, conviction led to repentance, and repentance led to me apologizing to my people for putting unfair expectations on them – expectations that I can’t always meet myself. 

I’m sure I’m not alone in falling guilty of this and I want us all to place our failures before the throne, find ways to implement new tactics, and know that giving ourselves and others grace will assist in bearing fruit.

Here are a few tools on how to limit distractions and frustrations:

Set Boundaries on Your Screen Time 

Cell phones and social media can be so distracting at times, and we may become frustrated or annoyed by comparing ourselves to what we’re being exposed to through our devices. In order to limit my screen time, I place timers on my cell phone, turn off many notifications, and set ringtones for my husband and a few others that I’m okay responding to throughout the day. Then I can carve out specific time to tackle emails and text messages from others. These boundaries help me keep my thoughts organized and my focus sharp.

Don’t Let the Mess Control You

 I’ve told y’all before that I’m OCD (not using the term lightly), so cleaning is an idol for me. Although I view it as a good one to have, I’m often distracted by it. This distraction causes me to miss memorable times with my family, become overwhelmed when messes occur and turn into a drill sergeant to my entire village. I’m learning to remind myself that accidents happen, kids can sometimes be messy, and living in spaces can’t always mimic an RH showcase room. 

If you’re anything like me, I encourage you to create a weekly, monthly, and daily cleaning routine. In doing this, you will also find a few things that can be left undone. Whether it’s closing a door, having a junk drawer or closet, placing things in a basket, or hiring a housekeeping service, there are ways to manage your surroundings without having to tackle everything on your list.

Remember Your Purpose

I love to serve, so I’m extra when it comes to my meals and cookware. I love to serve my family food in cute dishes, create adorable themes… the list goes on. Although I can become distracted by creating these elaborate experiences for them, they’d rather have me focused, patient, and full of joy rather than serving heart-shaped waffles without a smile. Let’s not become too distracted creating beautiful moments we can’t enjoy because we’re frustrated with the very people we’re making them for.

These tips can help you reduce future frustrations, but sometimes life can just get in the way. When you’re overwhelmed, schedule non-negotiable time away, take a 5-minute potty break, or be vulnerable with family or friends and tell them you could use some help. Above all else, remember to submit our distractions and frustrations before the throne.

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Learning More About Myself Through a Lullaby

Learning More About Myself Through a Lullaby

Apr 4, 2022 | Faith

As I was singing the nursery rhyme, “Row, Row, Row Your Boat,” to my little people, I kept thinking about the deeper meaning behind the words!

I decided to dig deeper into how this old tune spoke to my spirit and I was reminded that the boat could be symbolic of my life — it’s strong enough to float but can become weak enough to sink. I found myself asking the daunting questions: What areas of life am I floating and what areas am I sinking in? Where is my anchor?

This simple lullaby created an amazing opportunity for self-reflection. Here’s what I learned about myself:

 

Row

 

Well, without rowing the boat’s movement is limited and even stagnant. To follow a true direction, a boat needs action! I have huge goals to accomplish and lots of obstacles to face along the way, so there’s no time to waste by staying still! I know that regardless of what’s thrown my way, I must continue to keep rowing my boat to get to my destination.

Gently

 

This was a challenging part of the song to put into proper perspective. I’m notorious for rushing to the next phase of life. I just wade in what’s now, believing that what’s to come is much greater. What I realized is that although getting to the next phases of my life may be exciting, it is also getting me closer to my departure from here. I don’t want to rush my journey because I’m so thankful to be where I am now. I should often remind myself that life is not a race to the end and by embracing each season I can learn valuable lessons.

Stream

 

The stream of life never truly stops. There is always something new to face or a challenge to overcome. I could let the current take me away or I could stay present and move with it! If I’m going to handle life’s persistence with strength and courage, I must keep moving with the water.

Merrily

 

Choosing joy isn’t always easy but it’s so worth it. Sometimes it can feel like a relief to slip into a negative mindset. But if you let your circumstances wash away your happiness, you miss out on so much growth. Life is all about perspective, a moral value system, character development, and which God you decide to serve. Focusing on the good moments, like dancing in the rain or making amazing lemonade, and praising God despite the storms of life, is how we learn to live merrily in His name.

Life Is But A Dream

 

Our lives can be dreamy, but as we all know not every dream is identical. It could be short or long, amazing or traumatic, filled with purpose and passion, or filled with excuses and regrets. We get to choose how we respond to whatever cards we are dealt. But like a dream, life ends at some point on this side of heaven. What we do now with our dreams determines how we will spend eternity. So when I dream big, it’s with the passion of my heart and the love of the Almighty.

Who would have thought there was so much to learn about myself from this adorable little song? And I find so much more meaning in its lyrics as I sing it to my children. Life really is a dream and I can’t wait to get back to work on mine. I hope you can find some inspiration in its lyrics too!

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Managing the Chaos: How I Stick To My Goals

Managing the Chaos: How I Stick To My Goals

Feb 3, 2022 | Faith, Family & Home, Marriage, Parenting

Managing the Chaos: How I Stick To My Goals

I will admit, I most certainly have a tendency to… let’s say, overcommit to some of my gospels. First and foremost? Philippians 2:3. You know, the part that says “Count others more significant than yourselves.” I can’t tell you how often I find myself run ragged trying to ensure that all those around me have what they need; nice clothes, exercise, balanced meals, spiritual enrichment, and this list goes on. Meanwhile, I push myself to the side, looking like a stray dog, overweight, body aching, eating cake for breakfast.

Set your intentions

The most important advice I can give is to be very strict when you set your intentions. Many people make the mistake of having goals that are too general, which makes it harder to determine if they have been achieved. Be clear with yourself and be clear with what you want to work towards.

Tier your goals

I divide all of my goals into three categories: daily, weekly, and monthly. By characterizing my goals this way, it allows me to scale my life and prioritize tasks within the larger picture of my needs. It also gives me a timeline for accomplishment. Without a deadline, or a scope of time, it would be harder to enforce the need to complete a task. I can repeat the short-term goals in my daily routine, and plan my month to achieve my longer-term goals.

Set an example

Sometimes it can be hard to determine what goals we are working towards. Look to your friends and people you admire to help develop your goal list. It can be the perfect inspiration to focus what direction you want to go in.  Here is an example of my daily, weekly, and monthly goals to help get you started:

Daily

  • Spend at least 10 minutes outside
  • Give myself 5 minutes of alone time
  • Set aside time to spend with God (this can be listening to a song of worship, reading my bible, or listening to a sermon)
  • Hug everyone in my house, give them one compliment, and tell them I love them

Weekly

  • Set out the week’s clothes for the little people
  • Review the week’s calendar
  • Confirm the week’s appointments and calls
  • List and prepare the week’s menus
  • Clean an area on my organizing list

Monthly

  • Set future goals and timelines
  • Review next month’s tasks and goals to make any adjustments
  • Develop a list of professional goals

With tips like these, you’ll be checking your “to-dos” off in no time!

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Finding My God-Given Talents

Finding My God-Given Talents

Jan 31, 2022 | Books, Faith, Family & Home

Finding My God-Given Talents

The best-selling author, Erma Bombeck, once said, “When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and I could say ‘I used everything you gave me.’” Like many things in life, this is easier said than done. I strive to embrace my talents, to trust in God to clarify what all my gifts are, to seek His counsel in how to use them. But I am learning that sometimes falling short of our talents is part of the journey to discover them.

How Do We Know Our Talents?

I feel it is often in my nature to resist (girl’s gotta love her control!), even when I don’t mean to. As a conduit for God’s word, I pride myself on hearing Him. But when He requires of me anything that sacrifices my comfort, I find myself attempting to evade the very thing God is ushering me into. So to truly seek the Lord’s wisdom and guidance, I’ve had to start by listening and learning from His desires. I must trust his direction, trust that He knows how to enhance every ounce of my talent to display Holy boldness and a life of purpose.  So here are a few things I am practicing listening to and learning from him to embrace my God-given talents.

Bloom Where You Are Planted

Ugh… Well, Lord, if you had just planted me in one location for 30 years this would be so much easier! This is a thought that has crossed my mind on and off for 10 years. Excuses and reasons why it is too difficult to embrace the purpose of my journey. But after fighting against it for so long, I have finally surrendered to His will. By understanding that it is not an accident that God has moved our family, I am finally able to walk with freedom through these uprootings. It is time for me to embrace blooming, in EVERY place He plants me. To live a life of purpose, mission, and community, I have had to embrace His plan of dislocation and abort mine of stability.

Trust God’s Plan

No, duh! I know this one seems like a no brainer, but in order to trust God’s plan, we must have an intimate relationship with Him. I must release the desire to know how He thinks and instead wait and trust that His plan is greater than mine. I often have to remind myself that his vision is not centered around me and my experience, but instead is a great picture of which I am a mere brushstroke to be used to enhance and encourage.

Stop Hiding in Fear and Doubt

Fear and doubt only lead to procrastination. A fact of which I am painfully aware. I want to live without the bondage of these restraints, and to do so I must remember that some of my God-glorifying talents can’t be put on display until I deal with the root of my fear. It is my prayer to shed these so that every talent I’ve buried can be raised up. By embracing instead of doubting, His desires will show me how to multiply and bloom the talents that he has bestowed upon me, to glorify not myself, but my Heavenly Father.

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Normalize Not Being Okay

Normalize Not Being Okay

Jul 3, 2021 | Faith

Normalize Not Being Okay

Let’s normalize not being okay all the time or having it all together.

We all could use some sort of help or people in our corner who we can vent to and seek guidance.

Over the years, I’ve had a few responses tucked away that are automatic when someone asks me how I’m doing or how life is treating me. “I’m doing amazing” (my go-to). “Living the dream” (my sarcastic response). “I’m alive and well, blessed and highly favored” (my spiritual one). There were many in my pocket ready to go! Oftentimes, I’d felt the need to be the “strong friend” and completely disregarded what I’m feeling.

Eventually, I realized that sometimes I’m just not okay. Sometimes, I just don’t have it all together. And that’s totally fine. I may not be “doing amazing”, “living the dream” or feeling “highly favored” at all times. I may not want to be the strong friend through it all. Sometimes, I must admit that I need support, advice, and someone to help guide me back to a sound state.

 

 

Mental health is something that we, especially in the Black and Brown communities, have avoided addressing for far too long. I encourage you to be able to identify when you’re not okay and to never forget to offer your strong friends a place to be vulnerable, too. Don’t be afraid to reach out to a life coach, spiritual mentor, personal trainer, or psychologist. At some point in life, I’ve used them all, and it has been rewarding in more ways than one.

As Demario recently stated in an interview, “We are three-part beings. We have to take care of ourselves mentally, physically, and spiritually.” Honestly, I’ve been guilty of neglecting two of those frequently, but I eventually decided it was time to accept that I don’t have to be okay all the time or appear to have it all together. It freed me.

 

Are things not the best right now?

Can you use some accountability in your personal, career, and/or spiritual life? Do you just desire different perspectives to gain understanding in a certain area of your life? Here are a few reasons why seeking out a life coach or therapist is worth doing:

  • You have goals you want to achieve but you first need to get out of whatever’s holding you back from achieving those things.
  • You are caught up in the humdrum rhythm of everyday life and want to get out of your comfort zone and introduce yourself to something new.
  • You are experiencing past hurts or trauma and you want to heal from them.
  • You dream of having a meaningful, purposeful life but you’re not sure of the first step to take in that direction. 
  • Your relationship/marriage is going through a few issues and speaking to a professional could help you get through it. 
  • You know that you have a lot to feel grateful for but you need a little extra inspiration to piece your puzzle together.

Mental health is imperative. If you can use the extra help, don’t hesitate to get it.

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Reading the Bible in a Year! Best Book Club Ever

Reading the Bible in a Year! Best Book Club Ever

Apr 30, 2021 | Faith

Reading the Bible in a Year! Best Book Club Ever

Friends! I am so excited to share with you my commitment to God this year.

As I entered into this new year, I reviewed some dreams I was ready to make into reality and began trying to plan what I would like to accomplish. But, as always, God helped make those plans for me.

Getting on Track

 

At the start of this year a close friend of mine reached out and asked if I would be interested in joining her Bible reading plan (aka reading the entire Bible over the course of one year). It felt like divine fate! God knew this was a year of action for me, and the perfect year to find power in studying His word. I realized that the lack of community and accountability were huge factors in my failure, so God made sure this plan was primed for my success by willing it through a friend.

 

How It’s Going

 

Let me tell you, I have been active about reading self-help books in my life, but nothing can compare to spending such intimate time with the Lord’s words. I get to experience his truths daily in the most productive and collaborative environment!

We are only a little over 100+ days in, but the work God is doing inside of me is life-changing.

I feel engaged with His text, and as a group, we are able to strengthen our bonds with him both individually and collectively.

 

Make Your Own Plan

Maybe for you, this reminder is all the push you need to put your own Bible plan together. You can embark on the journey solo, engaging with God one-on-one, or get a group of faith-minded friends together and do the Lord’s work through a book club!

Every step you take towards Him is one He will reciprocate with leaps.

I look forward to sharing with you more about my experience as I delve deeper into His word and hope you will share your experiences with your own Bible reading plan!

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