How to Give Each of Your Kids the Attention They Deserve

How to Give Each of Your Kids the Attention They Deserve

May 21, 2022 | Family & Home, Parenting

I’ve shared a lot of my best tips on important topics of family life: homeschooling, meals, cleaning, and all the things in between! But at the center of it all are my five amazing children.

But when you have a family, big or small, dividing your attention between the children is a challenge that parents are often unprepared for; I know I wasn’t! Now, I have the perfect formula to make sure each kiddo feels loved, understood, and fulfilled.

Make Them Feel SpecialHere are my favorite ways to give my children the extra attention they need:

Show Love in Small Ways

As moms, we do little acts of kindness all day long! The littles might not see it, making it so important to show love in ways they can interpret. Sometimes that can be cooking their favorite meal (like chicken spaghetti) or choosing an activity they love! When my husband is home, tossing around a soft football in the backyard always puts a smile on the kids’ faces.

 

Words of affirmation are also one of the best ways to share your love with your child. I ensure that each of my children gets daily encouragement from me. Some of my favorite phrases are “You have great ideas,” “I love spending time with you,” or “I’m so proud of you!” You never know what your child might need to hear, so pay close attention and give them the message they need most from you.

Make Them Feel Special

When they need something a little extra, offer Mommy time! I love to schedule unique mother-daughter or -son dates when I can devote time to each kid. It eliminates all other distractions and allows us to bond on a deeper level. If your calendar looks too full, you can always have simple one-on-one conversations with your child rather than planning an elaborate activity. Trust me, they will appreciate both versions of Mommy time.

As my husband can be away from home a lot, it’s important to me that his absence isn’t viewed in a negative light. To avoid this, the kids rotate sleeping with me in his place! Having a sleepover with mom in the big bed is a dream come true for the littles.

Don’t Be Afraid to Ask

When I see that my other tips aren’t doing the trick, I sit them down and ask the tough question: “How can I serve you better as a mom?” I can’t read their minds, so having them tell me exactly what support I can give them avoids a lot of frustration and loneliness. It’s not only important to listen to your child but to also take action to provide them with what they asked for. Try to build their needs into your schedule.

 With these tips, you should find that your children get the attention they deserve without overextending your time.

 

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Postpartum: Finding a New Normal

Postpartum: Finding a New Normal

May 11, 2022 | Family & Home

After 5 babies, there is one fact I can tell you with immense assurity: your body will never be the same. For as quickly as we get caught up in the miracle of pregnancy and birth, sometimes what comes after can be too daunting to think about. There is certainly a cultural expectation to simply bounce back physically and mentally, but I want to be the one to tell you that postpartum recovery is a process and to give yourself time to get through it.

Start with Gratitude

 

With weight gain, limited sleep, new stretch marks, hair loss, and the seemingly millions of other little things that comes along with postpartum, it can be easy to get bogged down in the negative. There were many times when I wanted to just throw in the towel. 

 

However, with God’s grace, I was able to shift my lens and gain a new perspective. What has become most important to me is to show my body gratitude for all that it has done. I try to start each day, not by thinking about what is “wrong” with my body, but instead by taking some time to recognize the 9 long months of creation it went through. I am a human being, and my body is a product of God’s work, not a rubberband expected to rebound at every pull. I had to show my body some reverence for growing a baby.

Make Self Care a Priority

 

I know you all have heard me say it before (it’s applicable in almost every situation!), but I will say it again: self-care is vital! Especially when recovering from postpartum. Showing yourself a little love goes a long way. For me this comes in the form of scheduling time for myself in our family routine. I make it a point to workout at least 3 times a week  and watch a TV show (all the way through with no interruptions). It gives me a chance to reset and focus solely on myself. If you make time for yourself, you will have more to give in the long run. Remember, you cannot give from an empty cup, especially as a mother and a wife.

Affirmations and Rewards

The work is going to be difficult, so make sure you build in some kindness along the way. I speak one or more affirmations to myself in the mirror each morning and I make sure to recognize my daily growth, as small and minute as that may be. I also set milestones and when I reach them, I reward myself with something extra special. This reward may look like a visit to the spa  or a new outfit. It’s important to not only hold yourself accountable, but to celebrate your successes along the way.

Think About Moving Forward

Having a baby is one of the most miraculous experiences. There is nothing quite like transitioning into being a mom (even on those sleepless nights and on your 800th load of laundry). It’s important to remember your body will now reflect some of that transition. It’s wonderful to have a goal weight in mind, or a pair of pants you’re eager to get back into. But please remember to give yourself some leniency and look forward to what your body is now, rather than focusing on how it used to be.

It is important to start by speaking kindness over yourself. Proverbs 18: 21 (NKJV) says  Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit. Therefore, it is pivotal we speak life over our bodies, positive affirmation over our minds, and control the words that come out of our mouths about who we are and what we are capable of doing.  

Lastly, I will also say one thing I have learned to do is accept help from family, friends, and/or caregivers. It is okay to call for a helping hand, or two, or three. Most of all, celebrate all that you are and all that your family has now become.

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How to Avoid the Pitfalls of Distraction

How to Avoid the Pitfalls of Distraction

May 1, 2022 | Faith, Family & Home, Parenting

“A distracted parent is a frustrated parent.”

This is a phrase that I’ve used for many years, but admittedly, I frequently become preoccupied with a laundry list of tasks that threaten all my “intentional parenting” tools, forcing me into old habits that I preach against. 

As I reflect over this past week, I’ve been confronted with an ugly truth. More times than not, I was distracted from my littles, which led to many frustrations with their mistakes, an overload of questions, and countless messes. Finding myself a little teary-eyed, I discovered that my family didn’t always move to the beat of my drum. I’d also been distracted by other idols of mine, so when things began to occur outside my control, I couldn’t help but become annoyed. Thank God for conviction, conviction led to repentance, and repentance led to me apologizing to my people for putting unfair expectations on them – expectations that I can’t always meet myself. 

I’m sure I’m not alone in falling guilty of this and I want us all to place our failures before the throne, find ways to implement new tactics, and know that giving ourselves and others grace will assist in bearing fruit.

Here are a few tools on how to limit distractions and frustrations:

Set Boundaries on Your Screen Time 

Cell phones and social media can be so distracting at times, and we may become frustrated or annoyed by comparing ourselves to what we’re being exposed to through our devices. In order to limit my screen time, I place timers on my cell phone, turn off many notifications, and set ringtones for my husband and a few others that I’m okay responding to throughout the day. Then I can carve out specific time to tackle emails and text messages from others. These boundaries help me keep my thoughts organized and my focus sharp.

Don’t Let the Mess Control You

 I’ve told y’all before that I’m OCD (not using the term lightly), so cleaning is an idol for me. Although I view it as a good one to have, I’m often distracted by it. This distraction causes me to miss memorable times with my family, become overwhelmed when messes occur and turn into a drill sergeant to my entire village. I’m learning to remind myself that accidents happen, kids can sometimes be messy, and living in spaces can’t always mimic an RH showcase room. 

If you’re anything like me, I encourage you to create a weekly, monthly, and daily cleaning routine. In doing this, you will also find a few things that can be left undone. Whether it’s closing a door, having a junk drawer or closet, placing things in a basket, or hiring a housekeeping service, there are ways to manage your surroundings without having to tackle everything on your list.

Remember Your Purpose

I love to serve, so I’m extra when it comes to my meals and cookware. I love to serve my family food in cute dishes, create adorable themes… the list goes on. Although I can become distracted by creating these elaborate experiences for them, they’d rather have me focused, patient, and full of joy rather than serving heart-shaped waffles without a smile. Let’s not become too distracted creating beautiful moments we can’t enjoy because we’re frustrated with the very people we’re making them for.

These tips can help you reduce future frustrations, but sometimes life can just get in the way. When you’re overwhelmed, schedule non-negotiable time away, take a 5-minute potty break, or be vulnerable with family or friends and tell them you could use some help. Above all else, remember to submit our distractions and frustrations before the throne.

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My Calling to Homeschool

My Calling to Homeschool

Apr 28, 2022 | Family & Home, Homeschool

I know for many families the decision to homeschool is a difficult one. In the U.S, roughly 3.3% of school-aged children are homeschooled. According to the U.S Census Bureau, this number has only recently increased due to the global pandemic. It certainly requires commitment, both of your time and your energy. But for me, it was the path that God laid at my feet! While His guidance has often asked me to sacrifice, this is one area that I feel He truly provided a step that was easy to take.

My Background in Education

Some of you may not know this, but before meeting my husband I was in the process of pursuing a career in education. My coursework and experience in college was focused on Early Childhood Education, allowing me to work in the public school system as both a substitute teacher and a standardized test specialist. It was a future I was highly invested in and excited to grow into, but something even more wonderful happened… God placed my beautiful life partner before me and gave me a new calling.

Separation Anxiety

Admittedly, the transition from pursuing education and deciding to educate my own children wasn’t a clear one. In the early days of our marriage Demario and I had once joked about me homeschooling our children, but at the time it seemed like a very foreign concept. I only started truly considering the idea once my first child was about 10 months old. I found I was getting some severe separation anxiety. Call me over-protective, but we tried 3 schools in less than 3 months, and I just didn’t feel comfortable being apart from my baby girl. It was then I realized that perhaps God was calling me home!

Making the Transition

It took a little bit to create a plan of action, but I began setting up learning stations around the playroom and spent time daily on educationally stimulating tasks. It was a system that worked for us until my firstborn was about 3 years old. Around then we began integrating a few days a week into preschool to help her socialize, but I never felt truly satisfied having her educated outside our home. I decided to trust God and homeschool her full time and I haven’t looked back since!

 

Take God’s Cue

He does not put things in our path that we cannot take on (1 Corinthians 10:13). If you are considering homeschooling your child(ren) I will suggest you first pray over this calling. Ask God if this is what he has set before you and once you receive confirmation research an online curriculum within your home state to help you get started. My experience homeschooling has reminded me that His wisdom united a passion I had early on with a family life that was new to me. He provided the opportunity to put the tools I had at hand to use. God gave me new purpose, vision, and boldness to enact something I had never seen modeled before.

Over the years, with 5 children, I have certainly re-evaluated my homeschooling methods, even applied for schools at times, but He is always there to remind me that my course of action is the one He designed. He has granted me my dreams: I get to spend unlimited time with my kids, I get to nurture them as whole children, and I have flexibility in my schedule, discipline, and curriculum.  I am thankful everyday that I answered His call, trusted his wisdom, and made home the center of my children’s education!

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Childproof Your Kitchen

Childproof Your Kitchen

Apr 26, 2022 | Family & Home, Home Organization

This may come as a shock (note a little sarcasm here), but food is one of the deepest foundations of my home.

 I connect with my family and the people around me through my cooking. My love for creating food makes my kitchen the heart of my house. My love for creating food makes my kitchen the heart of my house. But with five kiddos running amok, it isn’t always the safest place for them to be. It’s important to me to make food as much a part of their lives, as it is in mine, which makes childproofing the kitchen an absolute must. With a little help, my kitchen has become an environment where they can be present, participate, and explore without danger.

Out of reach, out of danger. Here are some of my favorite tips for childproofing your kitchen:

Get on their level!

The best way to determine what dangers your kitchen presents is to view it from your child’s point of view. Get down to their height (even if that means sitting your booty right on the floor) and look around. What objects or drawers are in reach? Are there electrical outlets present? Does your island have sharp corners at head height? By seeing the kitchen through their investigative and curious eyes, you can determine what dangers are the most accessible for them and get a starting point for what to address first.

Out of reach, out of danger.

This may seem like an obvious statement. But the first true step to childproofing your kitchen is to put objects out of reach of your kids. Move refrigerator magnets high up to prevent choking hazards. Place heavy pots and pans or appliances with blades into upper cabinets. Slide anything displayed on your countertop away from the edges toward the wall. And please, please, please don’t make a step-ladder easily accessible to your kids!

Secure, secure, secure!

If it opens, spins, or slides, secure it! Little fingers find a way of getting into things they shouldn’t and getting squished by things that hurt. I started with the old-school rubber band method on cabinets, but learned quickly to put drawer locks on everything. These can be found anywhere from Target, to Amazon, to Home Depot. For the most part, they are inexpensive, easy to install and use, and can be removed without damage once your kids are old enough.

When all else fails, hire help!

If you’re a new mom, or even a third-time parent, sometimes consulting an expert can make you feel more confident. You aren’t expected to know everything so please don’t be scared to ask for help from an individual or a company with professional experience in childproofing.

Do you have any childproofing techniques that have worked for you?

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Parents: Stopping a Tantrum In Its Tracks

Parents: Stopping a Tantrum In Its Tracks

Apr 6, 2022 | Family & Home, Parenting

With a household of five little ones, you can imagine we spend a lot of time navigating toddler tantrums and sibling breakdowns.

The past few years have certainly been a process of trial and error when learning to deal with and help manage my kiddos’ emotions. While still a work in progress, I am excited to share with you some of the tools I have found to be successful.

Name the Emotion 

1. Get On Their Level!

 

Much like adults, kids want to feel that they are both seen and heard. I find that meeting them at eye level creates a sense of equality where they feel safe to begin sharing and communicating. So get low to the ground, or lift your kiddos up (count it as a mommy’s arm workout!) and start out every conversation with eye contact.

2. Name the Emotion

 

For small ones, emotions can sometimes be overwhelming. I like to ask questions to help them to narrow down their experience and put a name to it. Once we know if they are angry, sad, disappointed etc. we can start addressing the emotion and finding the best solution.

3. Breathe Deep

 

This is a staple! I know you’ve heard it before, but helping your child to slow down their breathing will regulate their bodies as well. We like to say “Inhale the flowers, blow out the candles.” This allows the kids to not only take a second to breathe, but reminds them of experiences that are both happy and calming.

4. Redirect Their Attention

 

As I mentioned before, feelings can sometimes be overwhelming. I have found that introducing things to redirect their attention can help alleviate some of the pressure and make it easier to communicate. In our household this may mean using fidget toys (like Rubik’s Cubes, stress balls, or spinners), altering the location of the conversation (nothing like a change of scenery!), or shifting the focus (they may not want their feelings to be the center of attention). These tactics help to give the kids a healthy outlet if they aren’t ready to talk or need some time to process and communicate what they are experiencing.

5. When in Doubt, Pray It Out!

 

Y’all should know by now that God is at the center of everything at the Davis household! Children are never too young to learn how to take time and pray about their emotions. We always like to teach that God can help educate you on how to overcome your experiences, all you have to do is ask for His wisdom. It’s important to me to encourage their personal relationships with God and seek his assistance in everything.

The most important thing to remember is to build a home where communication is key. Our household is more about words of affirmation than yelling, more about time in than time out. If you build successful tools for your kids early, they will take their communication skills with them throughout their lives.

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