The Cost of Carrying It All

The Cost of Carrying It All

Jun 13, 2026 | Faith, Family & Home

The Cost of Carrying It All — Tamela Davis | The F Word
The F Word  ·  Tamela Davis

Personal Essay  ·  Leadership & Life

The Cost of Carrying It All

What My Therapist Reminded Me in a Season of Chaos

By Tamela Davis

"I don't know if I'm winning, failing, helping people thrive, disappointing them — or somehow doing all four at the same time."

If you've ever been responsible for a family, a vision, a business, a ministry, or simply the emotional well-being of the people around you — you know exactly what that feels like.

Lately, life has felt like standing in the middle of a football field while every player, coach, referee, fan, vendor, child, team member, family member, and friend is calling your name at the exact same time. Everyone needs something different. A decision. A solution. A hug. A plan. A little piece of you.

But this post isn't really about a move. It's not really about New Jersey. And it's not even about the chaos of the last few months. It's about what happens when years of carrying, building, leading, sacrificing, and showing up finally catch up with you.

This Season Didn't Create the Overwhelm — It Revealed It

If I'm honest with myself, the pressure was already there. This season simply gave it a name.

The past several years have been full. Beautifully full. Purposefully full. NFL seasons, homeschooling six children, building businesses, launching programs, running a nonprofit, coaching others through their own life transitions — all of it woven together into something I'm genuinely proud of. We've experienced tremendous joy, incredible growth, and countless answered prayers.

But somewhere in the middle of all those beautiful things, I forgot something important: even purpose can become heavy when you carry too much of it for too long.

After eight incredible years in New Orleans, our family is relocating back to New Jersey. On paper, it's exciting — a new chapter, new opportunities, new assignments. And all of that is true. But transitions have a way of slowing you down just enough to see what you've been carrying all along.

Gratitude and exhaustion can coexist. Blessings and burdens can occupy the same space. Purpose can still feel heavy — and that doesn't mean anything is wrong with you.

It Takes a Village to Build a Life

Before I go further, I want to say this clearly: I am not carrying this life alone. Far from it.

One of the greatest blessings of this season has been the incredible people God has placed around our family — my husband, our children, family, friends, mentors, board members, Dream Team members, partners, volunteers, coaches, and our broader community. There are people laboring alongside us every single day, helping bring ideas to life and care for the people we love. I am deeply grateful for every single one of them.

No meaningful vision is ever built by one person. The challenge isn't that I lack support. The challenge is that when you wear many hats, you're often the common thread connecting all the moving parts — as a wife, a mother of six, a nonprofit leader, a business owner, a coach, a podcast host, and a woman still committed to her own growth and healing.

There are moments when all those worlds collide — not because something is wrong, but because life is full. And when life gets full, even beautiful things can become heavy if we're not intentional about how we carry them.

The Loneliness Nobody Talks About

Leadership can be incredibly lonely — and very few people acknowledge that out loud.

People often see the platform. The opportunities. The events. The travel. The accomplishments. What they don't see are the thousands of decisions happening behind the scenes — the mental load, the constant calculations, the invisible labor of leadership.

They don't see the moments when you're lying awake asking yourself:

  • Did I spend enough time with my children today?
  • Did I support my husband well?
  • Did I create clarity where there was confusion?
  • Who feels seen? Who feels forgotten?
  • Who am I when everyone needs something from me?

The higher the responsibility, the fewer people truly understand what you're carrying. And if you're not careful, you begin to believe that because you're capable of carrying it, you're supposed to carry it alone. That belief is a lie — and it's an exhausting one.

The Truth About My Kids

One of the most humbling realizations of this season involves my children.

For years, I was deeply in the details — the schedules, the friendships, the assignments, the attitudes, the routines. I knew where everyone was and what they needed. Recently, though, my focus has been elsewhere: on the transition, the building, the planning, the executing. And while all of those things matter, I started to notice something shift.

Some of my children felt a little more scattered than usual. Not because they were struggling. Not because we'd failed. But because they needed more of me — not more resources, not more activities, not more things. More presence.

That hit me deeply.

As mothers, we often convince ourselves that providing is the same as being present. Sometimes it is. Sometimes what our children need most isn't another opportunity — it's us. Sitting beside them. Listening a little longer. Looking them in the eyes long enough for them to know they're truly seen.

What My Therapist Helped Me See

During a recent therapy session, I found myself talking about the move, organizational changes, parenting concerns, business responsibilities, Dream Team dynamics, and the endless list of things requiring my attention.

But beneath all of it was a deeper realization: I wasn't overwhelmed by one thing. I was overwhelmed by the accumulation — tiny worries, tiny pressures, tiny responsibilities, tiny sacrifices. None of them large enough on their own to stop me. But together? They created a weight I hadn't even recognized I was carrying.

My therapist's challenge was simple: simplify. Not forever — just for now. Stop trying to solve six months from now. Stop carrying what doesn't belong to you. Identify your actual stressors. Focus on what you can control. Breathe. Stay present. Trust the process.

Simple advice. Profound impact.

Six Steps for When You're Carrying Too Much

Practical tools you can use today

1

Identify Your Actual Stressors

Grab a notebook and write down everything causing stress. Then divide the list: Things I Can Control vs. Things I Cannot Control. You may be surprised how much energy you're spending on things that were never yours to manage.

2

Stop Trying to Solve Everything Today

Ask yourself: "What is the next right thing?" Not next year. Not next month. Just today. One step at a time is still forward motion.

3

Create One Focus Area Per Person You Lead

For each child, each team member — identify one primary focus right now. School. Confidence. Communication. Character. Simple, clear, and manageable beats scattered and exhausted every time.

4

Schedule Time to Worry

Instead of worrying all day, designate a specific time to process your concerns. Journal. Pray. Reflect. Then return fully to the present moment. This one changed everything for me.

5

Ask Yourself Daily: "What Do I Need?"

Not what your clients need. Not what your team needs. Not what social media needs. What do you need? Rest? Movement? A boundary? Permission to say no? You matter too — and you can't pour from an empty cup.

6

Celebrate Your Progress

As builders and achievers, we're wired to move the goalpost the moment we reach it. Pause. Celebrate. Acknowledge how far you've already come — because the journey deserves to be honored, not just the destination.

What Flourishing Actually Looks Like

At The F Word, we've always talked about family, food, football, faith — and finding ourselves somewhere in the middle of all of it. This season has been a masterclass in that last one.

Flourishing isn't found in having everything under control. It's found in remaining grounded when everything isn't. Peace doesn't come from controlling every outcome — it comes from learning what belongs to you and what doesn't. It comes from staying present. It comes from trusting God with tomorrow while faithfully stewarding today.

And right now, that's exactly what I'm learning — one day, one breath, one conversation, one decision at a time.

If you're carrying a lot today, I hope you'll give yourself permission to put some of it down. You don't have to carry it all. And perhaps the strongest thing you can do isn't push harder — perhaps it's pausing long enough to acknowledge that carrying it all has a cost. You deserve care too.

— Tamela
Super Supper Salads for Summer

Super Supper Salads for Summer

Jul 23, 2024 | Dinner, Food, Main Menu

There’s something special about summertime dinners. I can just picture the gentle breezes, filling food, and laughing family members, all of which are characteristic of our family meals in the summer. My favorite moment is when all the food has been laid out, and the warm glow of the kitchen lights illuminate my loved ones’ faces as we all settle in at the table.

Some of my favorite festivities include summer nights gathered around heaping helpings of delicious recipes. Naturally, the meal is always a crucial part of these fond memories. From main dishes to sides, it’s all important! With scrumptious food shared between us, somehow our talks seem bigger and our smiles feel sweeter. 

This summer, I wanted to share four flavorful salad recipes that even the kiddos will beg for at the dinner table! These ingredients are fresh, unique, and perfectly refreshing in such warm temperatures. Salads are a summer staple, so it’s only right that every beautiful summer dinner has a delicious, satisfying salad to pair with the feast!

1. Hearty Mediterranean Orzo Salad

With a big family like ours, I always make sure whatever salad I make is irresistible yet filling. That way, everyone gets enough! This recipe is a fun spin on the traditional Greek Salad, with the light yet satisfying addition of orzo pasta. (If you have picky eaters, just tell them this is a pasta dish–technically, you’re not lying!)

This recipe makes enough for two, so adjust accordingly!

Ingredients

  • ½ cup orzo pasta
  • 1 ½ tsp extra-virgin olive oil
  • 1 garlic clove, peeled and crushed
  • ⅛ tsp salt
  • 1 ½ tsp lemon juice
  • ⅛ tsp ground pepper
  • 1 14-oz can artichoke hearts, drained and chopped
  • 1 7-oz can chickpeas, rinsed
  • ⅓ cup feta cheese, crumbled
  • 2 tbsp chopped dill, fresh or dried
  • 1 ½ tbsp chopped mint, fresh or dried
  • 1 large tomato, deseeded and chopped
  • 2 cups baby spinach leaves

Instructions:

Step 1

Bring a pot of water to a boil and add orzo. Cook until tender for about 9 minutes, or as the box instructs. Drain and rinse until cool. Ensure it is dry before transferring to a medium bowl and tossing with oil. 

Step 2

Use the back of a spoon to mix garlic and salt into a paste in a medium bowl. Whisk in pepper and lemon juice. Add the cooked orzo, chickpeas, artichokes, feta, mint, and dill. Toss gently to combine. Add tomatoes and toss again.

Step 3

Divide spinach onto 2 plates and top with your Mediterranean salad mix. Enjoy!

2. Colorful Endive and Apple Salad with Sweet Cranberry Vinaigrette

This showstoppingly beautiful salad makes you happy just looking at it. Then you try it and–wow! Apples in salad is generally a win for me, but this recipe is next level when you add the cranberry and endive flavors. This salad will complement most meals, as it is light and mild yet perfectly sweet. Sometimes I even whip it up as a quick lunch or meal prep item!

Ingredients

  • 2 tbsp extra-virgin olive oil
  • 2 tbsp cranberry juice concentrate
  • 1 tbsp white wine vinegar
  • 3 heads Belgian endive, thinly sliced crosswise
  • 2 red apples, cored, unpeeled, and chopped (I love Honeycrisp!)
  • ½ cup chopped cranberries, fresh or dried
  • ¼ cup green onion, thinly sliced
  • ¼ cup walnuts, toasted and chopped

Instructions:

Step 1

Whisk vinegar, oil, and cranberry juice concentrate in small bowl until mixed to make dressing.

Step 2

Season with salt and pepper to taste.

Step 3

In a medium bowl, combine apples and endive.

Step 4

Pour dressing over. Toss if desired.

Step 5

Add green onions, walnuts, and cranberries. Toss once. Serve and enjoy!

3. Refreshing Cucumber Pasta Salad

If you’re cooking some comfort food and in need of an easy and light salad to complement your main dish, look no further! This Refreshing Cucumber Pasta Salad could even stand on its own for a yummy lunch, with chickpeas serving as your protein. I love this recipe because nothing is more classic than a fresh pasta salad for summer!

Ingredients

  • 1 cucumber, peeled and chopped into ½-inch pieces
  • 1 cup roma tomato, diced
  • 3 tbsp fresh lime juice
  • 2 tbsp cilantro
  • 1 teaspoon sugar
  • ¼ tsp salt
  • ¼ tsp pepper
  • 1 cup macaroni pasta

Instructions:

Step 1

Cook pasta, drain, and rinse. Ensure it’s dry before using.

Step 2

Combine cilantro, lime juice, sugar, salt, and pepper in a small bowl to make dressing.

Step 3

Combine pasta and vegetables in large bowl.

Step 4

Toss gently with dressing.

4. Sweet and Savory Spinach Salad with Honey Bacon Dressing

The unique flavor profile of this salad is simply mouthwatering! Between the egg, bacon, honey, and mustard, you’re in for a combination of flavors that will make your taste buds dance. I also love the sweet and savory aspect in a salad, especially on a hot summer night. Serve with a simpler meal to liven up the dinner table!

Ingredients

  • 8 cups fresh spinach
  • 1 cup baby bella mushrooms, sliced
  • ¼ cup green onion, sliced
  • 1 medium tomato, deseeded and chopped
  • 1 hard-boiled egg, chopped
  • ½ cup parmesan cheese, shredded through bigger holes on cheese grater
  • 7 bacon pieces, sliced, cooked, and crumbled
  • ½ cup honey
  • ½ cup vinegar
  • ⅓ cup vegetable oil
  • 1 tsp yellow mustard (alt: 1 tsp spicy brown mustard)
  • 1 tsp fresh lemon juice

Instructions:

Step 1

Hard boil the egg and cook the bacon. Set aside separately. Do not crumble bacon yet for measurement purposes.

Step 2

Combine spinach, mushrooms, green onion, tomato, hard-boiled egg, and parmesan cheese in a large bowl. Add 5 of the crumbled bacon slices. Toss.

Step 3

Whisk honey, oil, vinegar, mustard, lemon juice, and remaining 2 slices of crumbled bacon in small bowl to make dressing.

Step 4

Drizzle dressing over salad. Toss if desired.

Step 5

Serve immediately and enjoy!

Homeschool: Top 4 Juneteenth Books for Kids

Homeschool: Top 4 Juneteenth Books for Kids

Jun 19, 2024 | Books, Family & Home, Favorite Things, Homeschool, Parenting

It’s hard to describe how surreal it feels to birth children, raise them, and watch them learn to read. As they comb through books, I watch their brains work to picture scenes, learn new ideas, and discover more about themselves and the world around them. Reading to my children is one of my favorite activities–especially when I can see the immediate impact it has on them.

Juneteenth National Independence Day is a celebration that marks the end of chattel slavery in the United States. Every year, people across the country commemorate the end of slavery by celebrating the Black community’s freedom on this momentous day. It is a day full of singing, soul foods, festivals, historical reenactments, and family reunions. Most notably for me, Juneteenth is a day on which I ensure my children understand their heritage and feel pride as Black youth.

This Juneteenth, I curated a selection of books every child should read. Each title is informative, uplifting, and resonant. Whether you’re introducing them to the meaning behind Juneteenth or looking for a way to expand their knowledge of the holiday, these books are an excellent way to get kids involved!

 

1. What is Juneteenth by Kirsti Jewel

The Who HQ book series is an established collection of titles that focuses on educating kids about historical people, places, and events. I highly recommend Who HQ because, no matter your child’s interests, this collection has a book for them! What is Juneteenth by Kirsti Jewel is extremely informative yet interesting for kids.

History is best received in the form of a story, and that’s what I love about these books. Who HQ covers a diverse range of topics with colorful illustrations and facts threaded throughout the stories. What is Juneteenth reflects on the day enslaved people discovered they were free way back on June 19th, 1865, but it also chronicles that fateful day’s transformation into the Juneteenth we know today. It is a wonderfully educational book for young readers!

 

2. The Juneteenth Story by Allah Agostini

As this book shares, the first Juneteenth was known as “Jubilee Day,” which I love to share with kids. Inevitably, they ask what jubilee means. As The Juneteenth Story by Allah Agostini exemplifies, jubilee is defined as a special anniversary of an event worthy of celebration. It follows a modern Black family as they teach the history of the holiday to their child.

If you’re looking for the perfect introductory book to Juneteenth, look no further. Between its colorful illustrations and helpful timeline of key historical events related to this holiday, The Juneteenth Story is an excellent way to enlighten your children and provide them with the means to celebrate!

 

3. Juneteenth Is by Natasha Triplett

The context surrounding Juneteenth can be a heavy topic for anyone, especially children. What I love about Juneteenth Is by Natasha Triplett is its warmth and fun. This book opens with local celebrations–such as community parades and family barbeques–that take place every year on June 19th. It follows a child as she moves from one celebration to another before settling at her Grandaddy’s table to hear about the historical events leading to the creation and recognition of Juneteenth.

I love the versatility and inclusive nature of this book. We watch the main little girl’s eyes light up as she takes part in celebrations with folks of all shades, then the author utilizes the joy from these fun activities to frame Grandaddy’s later conversations about Black history with care and love. There is room for both commemoration and solemnity in Juneteenth Is. 

4. The History of Juneteenth by Alisha Norwood

If your child is drawn in by cozy, bright, evocative illustrations, Sawyer Cloud’s work in The History of Juneteenth by Alisha Norwood speaks volumes about the importance of Juneteenth! By recounting key historical events in a visual timeline, gently quizzing readers, and detailing forgotten nuances of Black history in America, this book has it all. 

As our nation continues to grow and evolve, it is crucial that future generations never forget our history. Juneteenth deserves widespread recognition and observation. Books like The History of Juneteenth are key to keeping our population informed, compassionate, and mindful as we write the next generation’s future!

The Birth Story of Story-James

The Birth Story of Story-James

Jun 12, 2024 | Faith, Family & Home

Since I was an innocent little girl, I dreamed of having a large family. I longed for little people I could nurture, guide, protect, and love deeply.

While my husband and I were just friends, we’d talk about our past, present, and future, dreaming of the story we desired our lives to weave. Once we began dating, we started to dream of the fairytale we’d create, the stories we’d tell… and we learned that love comes softly. 

Throughout our journey, we soon came to repeat a hopeful mantra: “Our Story, His glory.” Yes, the fairytales we were creating involved endless dreams and hopes–but they were also accompanied by a few stabs and jabs that made the fairytales not so magical! This phrase served as a reminder that His story would be our guiding light forevermore, and everything would be for His glory, not ours.

A Mother’s Wish

I recall the day I held my belly as I looked in the mirror, saying, “God, I now desire to have six kids… but seven is the number of completion, so maybe I’ll land there!” In that moment, there was so much unforeseen by me. Admittedly, bearing children and raising them in the beautiful chaos my life had become made me second guess if having all those children was a good idea.

While pregnant with my fourth, I experienced sickness and discomfort in such a way that I vowed she would be the last one. I honestly didn’t think I could endure pregnancy again after she was born. Bringing her into the world stretched my faith in countless imaginable ways, leading me to believe I didn’t have the capacity for more.

However, after Demario and I discussed a potential fifth baby, we decided that maybe we did have the capacity for another after all. And we were blessed with our sweet and sassy Stormie Love.

The Unforeseen

Then life happened. Roadblocks were popping up in so many directions of my life, so I’d decided a ton of things were off the table–especially a baby. Additionally, my body began to behave unpredictably, and before I knew it, I was at the doctor’s office to get to the bottom of it all… only to discover I was unexpectedly pregnant.

Unfortunately, this pregnancy was paired with a number of inexplicable complications, eventually leading our sweet baby to join Jesus. I landed on the name Chosen for this child, our beautiful baby number six–chosen to be with our Father in Heaven for reasons we’ll never know or fully comprehend. But God’s still God!

During that time, I remember the weight of so many thoughts, emotions, and tears. In the Uber, on the ride to the hospital for my surgery, I couldn’t make sense of my life. I just played “Goodness of God” on repeat. I’d only confided in two friends, one of whom called me and made me laugh uncontrollably until my husband arrived (football life) and they wheeled me to the back.

The next thing I knew, I woke up crying with no clarity or direction for anything beyond that moment. Life was becoming more difficult to navigate by the day, but I still decided to Believe in the One who holds it all together! Thy will be done!

That day, I told the Lord and my husband I was done having kids. After all, we had five beautiful blessings and one in heaven, and I really didn’t have the emotional capacity to do it again. I was drowning in more ways than one.

Fast Forward One Month…

After a trip to Italy, I did my own thing, my body did its thing, and I left that trip pregnant again! I was in shock, still grieving, and processing it all. I thought back to that day in the mirror when I mused about having seven children… and here we were. Paralyzed by fear and doubt, emotions running wild, I harbored the secret from everyone except my doctors for five months. I waited until seven months to tell my immediate family. The world learned the news just one week before her delivery!

My pregnancy with her was by far the easiest, while my delivery was by far the hardest.

The Delivery

Babygirl remained head down and in ideal delivery position for months, but at 37.5 weeks, she decided to flip breech. I refused to schedule a C-section and instead wanted to attempt to move her head down, which I knew came with some risk… but this was a risk I was willing to take to have a natural birth, as I have had with all my babes. 

Once she moved her head down, we followed through with inducing labor to prevent other complications. As I often say, “Many are the plans of a man…” With her head down, our baby girl decided to stick her arm and foot above her head, which made it impossible to deliver her naturally without breaking her bones.

I was devastated. Terrified. I couldn’t process anything for some time. However, we needed to move quickly, since I was already 6 centimeters dilated and contracting. As I rolled down the hall bawling my eyes out, for some odd reason, I wondered if something dramatic and life-altering would happen today. My panic mounted as I received the spinal tap and couldn’t feel myself breathing. Although they gave me oxygen and calmed me, everyone was aware I was on edge.

Then my beautiful doctor entered and, knowing how overwhelmed I was, she requested that the speaker be turned on. I had no idea what she was doing, but it soon became apparent as worship music began to play. I sang and meditated on the lyrics about how good my God is!

Burning tears continued rolling down my face as they announced her arrival. Right as she was coming out, a series of events took place.

She was stuck. They were experiencing complications in getting her out. I could feel the energy of the room shifting as they moved quickly and forcefully, but the process seemed to take forever.

I began to feel pressure in my chest and abdominal areas, and I heard people calling for backup.

As I looked into the light, I felt like I was in a scene in Grey’s Anatomy. I wondered if, at this moment, my life would end, or if the life of the baby would end… or if we’d both go.

This all took place over the course of four and a half minutes after I was cut open, but it seemed like an eternity, and my emotions remained scattered after the fact.

Recovery

Finally, they got her out safely, returning us to the recovery room. Little did I know that this would be the most challenging recovery to date. In the past, I took pride in pushing a baby out and returning to regularly scheduled activities the next day. This wasn’t the case this time around.

I’ve had an extremely rough recovery. From being unable to walk to needing assistance to hold and feed my baby, a list of graphic struggles unfolded in the months following her birth. 

But I’m still here, she’s still growing beautifully, and God’s still on the throne! Baby #7 felt like the completion of my husband’s and my family, but I’ve learned to place no limits on who He is and the plan He has for my life.

Reflection

So much beauty and so many ashes led to our latest little one’s conception and birth. There are so many valuable people who have been along for the journey, and the STORY of Story-James’s life is beautiful, life-altering, and God-ordained. I’m confident that her life song will move mountains and bring Glory to the one who makes all things new!

It’s OUR STORY that God is authoring, but it’s my prayer that every ounce of it is used for HIS GLORY!

In the Final Chapter of Birthing Humans…

In the Final Chapter of Birthing Humans…

Feb 27, 2024 | Family & Home, Parenting

The bumps I’ve run across in my life have sometimes seemed to be larger than the physical bumps developed in my belly I carried for 9 months and vice versa! Nevertheless, both bumps birth something from me that is extraordinary, life-altering, and God-ordained—despite the occasional pain and discomfort in labor and delivery or overcoming the bumpy unforeseen obstacles of life!
What’s birthed from those bumps in life prepares me for the bumps that create precious life… and the lives created inside of me will forever grant me all the confidence, strength, and endurance I need to overcome and press on!
I’ve created and accomplished a lot, secretly and on grand stages… but none of it will ever compare or surpass the amount of joy I have that God has chosen me to create and steward all of these little people for His glory!
I’ve filled my quiver with arrows to shoot out into the world; may my children arise and call me blessed! All that I do, all that I sacrifice, all that I fight for, all that I accomplish, and all that I am is to honor ALL 6 of you and our creator!
I pray that my Story is constant proof that obedience is greater than sacrifice… and He lives, He forgives, He loves, He empowers, He redeems, and He Alone is more than enough!
The Final Chapter of birthing humans is slowly coming to an end, but it’s the beginning chapter of so much more! ?
Our Story, His Glory!