The relationship between Jesus and his disciples is one that many can understand and desire in their own personal relationships, especially in a family. The level of love and respect that comes from both sides of that relationship and the care concealed in the lessons He taught the disciples are all things that many parents try to develop with their own kids. We were gifted the perfect example in Jesus, and while we ourselves are far from perfect, there is still so much we can learn and apply.
Jesus was wise, humble, and obedient to His Father. He lived a faultless life and carried out the will of God for His life. As I pursue my relationship with Christ, I am challenged to adopt these principles individually and steward my children in a way that grants them wisdom to do the same. Jesus was the ultimate example to His disciples and to us, modeling lessons on how to live for His Father. If I desire for my own little disciples to know Christ, it’s imperative that I faithfully model the characteristics of Jesus for them, as their first teacher.
In order to keep the teachings of Jesus at the forefront of my life, I study God’s Word. There are so many life lessons in the Bible, and God is always illuminating important portions that I can apply in my personal situations. I would recommend the Bible for any parent needing a guide for how to raise their children. The Word is frequently transforming my life and as that happens, I am able to gain wisdom on how to love and teach my children. In 2011, I began seriously reading the Bible for myself, but had to purchase a tween Bible; it was the only translation I halfway understood at the time! Now, I love the NLT and Amplified Study bible versions. There are so many translations and versions available that will assist with interpretation.
Watching TV can be educational, too! Our family loves CBN’s SuperBook, an animated series of events from the Old and New Testament. The creators do an exceptional job presenting the context in an engaging way for both parents and children while maintaining the message. The Bible stories are told on a level that my kids understand and enjoy. After each episode, my husband and I have discussions with our children about what they just watched and see what light God is placing in their little hearts.
4 Ways to Build a Strong Foundation for Your Children
I’d like to leave you with four ways to build a strong foundation for your little disciplines to grow in Christ.
Be transparent about your own journey (adjust to be age-appropriate, if necessary).
If you aren’t exactly where you’d like to be, accept the call to walk faithfully with Jesus, and do not be lukewarm.
Share God’s truth with your children daily by enlightening them on how to apply it to their lives.
Grant them the same grace, forgiveness and unconditional love that Christ grants you daily!
Apologizing and extending forgiveness are extremely hard, but necessary life skills to master.
For some, apologizing is easy, and they are quick to own their mistakes and learn from them. For others, it can be challenging. As a recovering perfectionist, people pleaser, and rule follower, it’s hard for me to dismiss that I’m not always a Saint (although we play for the SAINTS).
I’m learning to apologize, even when I’m convinced it’s not my fault and forgive, even the ones I feel like don’t deserve it. This doesn’t alter boundaries I’ve established but reminds me that Christian people aren’t perfect people. Who am I to judge as God forgives me endlessly when I am undeserving? Recently, I stumbled across a post from Lysa Terkeurst that says, “Part of what makes forgiveness seem unfair is that I’m utterly convinced I’m the Saint and they are the sinner. When in reality Jesus is asking me simply to be the servant.” Ouch, this was convicting. Over the years I’ve gained the maturity and wisdom to understand that apologizing and extending forgiveness is freeing.
This freedom has translated into the way I parent. I teach my children to respect authority, individuals’ boundaries, and people in general. I also remind them that they too are due respect, despite their age. They are little humans, not doormats or robots. I work to respect my kids as full humans by stewarding and teaching them God’s truths. I strongly believe you have to display respect to receive it; respect is not based on age. I talk with my little people, apologizing and requesting forgiveness when I’m not patient, raise my voice too often, or choose discipline actions out of pure frustration, instead of clearly thinking out the punishment.
A distracted parent is a frustrated parent– and often when I’m distracted (by chores, my phone, different assignments) I don’t always display grace. When my actions unintentionally crush their little feelings, we address it! Additionally, I tell them when mommy has made a mistake in parenting, what leads to that mistake, and how we can work together to establish preventative methods. I grant them the freedom to respectfully express their thoughts and emotions. They’re very young and do not understand everything, but I’m attempting to build habits and routines now for more extreme cases in the future.
As we regularly exercise this in our home, we witness and encourage our kids to model these approaches with each other, and others they encounter. This method, in my opinion, creates less space for nurturing grudges and anger. Parenting is hard and the weight of responsibility makes me doubt myself at times. Establish these principles in your home and the changes you’ll see in your family. God always grants me grace, forgiveness, and unconditional love, and I then make a conscious effort to grant those exact same things to my family daily.
Until recently, I had never realized that good things, even Godly things, can become an idol. I realized this on a recent “rabbit trail” that God took me on through His Word. Have you ever had one of those times where you wanted to be in the Word, but you didn’t know where to begin? Perhaps, like me, you just started flipping through the pages asking God to speak to you. (I know this is not the best way to study God’s Word, but alas.) As I was doing this one day, I kept landing on verses about marriage and family. I wasn’t super clear on what God was trying to tell me, if anything, so I kept praying that He would speak to me and lead me in His Word.
A few days later, I had to miss church because I was sick. I decided I would listen to a Francis Chan sermon, so I went to good ole Google to search for one. Ironically, as I tried to search for a Francis Chan sermon, I kept finding articles and sermons about idolatry. I also started praying, flipping through the Word, and asking God to speak to me. Every page I landed on, the word “idol” would jump off the page at me.
“Ok God,” I thought, “maybe you want to talk to me about marriage, family, and idolatry?”
Eventually, I landed on a sermon by Tim Keller on idolatry and his book Counterfeit Gods (while searching for a Francis Chan sermon, go figure). I read part of Counterfeit Gods awhile back, so I grabbed that book and my Bible, opened up my journal and said, “God, here I am. Teach me.” He revealed some powerful and convictional things to me over the next couple of weeks about idolatry and my own heart.
I realized that when good things become “ultimate” things, they become bad things. But good, God-given blessings are often hard to identify as idols because they can be so subtle. Our hearts were made to run on God. He is the treasure of great worth and the greatest blessing of all. When his blessings become ultimate, they ruin us and rob Him of his glory. Our hearts were made to worship Him and be satisfied by Him supremely.
God also revealed to me a few litmus tests that exposed marriage and motherhood as an idol for me:
Identity
My identity was too wrapped up in my role as wife and mother. I was finding too much of my value and worth in these roles. When these areas of life were going well, all was well with my soul. But when these areas were difficult or not going the way I wanted, I was dejected, worried, depressed, or feeling worthless. When something or someone has that much power over your soul, you know it is an idol.
Focus
Too much of my mind and heart were focused on marriage and motherhood. These roles consumed the vast majority of my mind and heart space and had become my supreme treasure. I even went to the Word in order to find out how to be a better mother and wife, rather than primarily to commune with God and be a better daughter of His. Again, so subtle! Because seeking out to be a better wife and mother is a good, Godly, important thing. But it should never trump our primary role as worshiper and daughter of God.
Time
Being “selfish” with my time to commit every moment to family. I realized I was not even open to hearing God lead me in any other direction. I know there are seasons of life when there is not much time for anything but family, and I believe God has designed these roles to be our primary focus as women, especially over ourselves, our careers, or even ministry, but not over our focus on Him. However, I realized I was not even open to God’s leading into other aspects of service, whether that might be with our neighbors, at our church, or making disciples outside of my home.
Pride & Self-Centeredness
I found pride and self-centeredness surrounding my role as mother and wife. The roles of mother and wife are sanctifying, self-sacrificing ones, to say the least. If we allow it, God will use these roles as a vehicle to sanctify us and transform us into His image probably more than any other. Yet, self can still stay on the throne of our hearts even as we go about our self-sacrificing external actions. If we love and thrive on the position, authority, spotlight, attention, and praise surrounding whatever role we find ourselves in, it is probably an idol. If motherhood is an idol, praise and affirmation about our children or about our mothering will cause pride and exuberance to bubble up and effect the rest of our day. On the contrary, if we receive criticism about our children or mothering, we might feel ashamed, frustrated, even angry. Image and caring what others think about us and our family will matter a lot more as well.
Attitudes
Furthermore, our attitudes amidst our role as mother and wife will often reveal who (and what) is on the throne of our hearts. If we complain often and view our kids as a burden most of the time (the “martyr mom”), yet care about being seen as a humble, self-sacrificing mom who prizes her family and is an amazing mom and wife, self and family are probably on the throne. If we are growing more and more in cheerful, self-forgetful service to God and our family, filled with the fruits of the Spirit, while caring less and less about our image or what others think about our family, this reflects a humble, selfless heart where God is on the throne. Motherhood and marriage should be vehicles to bring glory to God, disciple, train, and raise up our kids in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, and serve, complement, and help our husbands. So often, we view our kids or spouse as trophies that will make us happy or look good.
So what is the solution to our pervasive problem of idolatry? I love what Tim Keller says about the only cure to idolatry in his book Counterfeit Gods: “What you need is an over-mastering, positive passion.” He goes on to say, “Jesus must become more beautiful to your imagination, more attractive to your heart, than your idol. That is what will replace your counterfeit gods. If you uproot the idol and fail to “plant” the love of Christ in its place, the idol will grow back,” (pg 172).
I pray that I will come to see and know Christ as what He is: the most beautiful, amazing, incredible blessing and treasure I can possibly behold and attain. He alone is worthy of praise, and He alone will satisfy. I praise God that He has allowed me to be a wife and a mother, but I pray those roles will take their rightful place and so bring more glory to Him and more joy to my life. Blessings!
Enjoy a space to connect, be empowered and educated to seek Jesus wholeheartedly, identify blind spots, seek growth, learn to love, forgive, laugh, cook amazing food, and understand that living the in the spotlight is not always roses & candy.
